Father’s Dread

In response to an article I read called “Three Moments Every Father Dreads (and how to cope)” on the Art of Manliness blog, I decided to talk about feelings and expectations on being a father. As a parent in general, there is much to be concerned and worried about in a child’s life. The three highlight moments in a father / daughter relationship that AoM focused on was Puberty, the First Date and Borrowing the Car. My baby girl is only 7 months old, so none of these milestones actually mean anything at this point since they are at least a decade away. However, it is reasonable to assume that dread knows no age, that you can worry no matter how many years of innocence she has left.

One thing you have to realize when you talk to people  about parenting and children is that not all kids are the same. A lot of the dread can be built up by conventional notions on child development and what to expect from each development phase. When we brought home baby, we were thinking that sleeping at night was going to be rare. My Mother would make sure she reminded me every week that I had colic as a babe and would not stop screaming. So, what comes around goes around, right? My baby girl has been sleeping through the night (10+hrs straight) since she was a few months old. There goes the preconceived notion that the newborn is going to keep the parents and the neighbors up at all hours of the night. True, that’s not how every baby is like, and I realize that I’m one hell of a lucky dad for having such a great, well-rested baby, but the point to emphasize is that not all children are the same, so don’t expect the same horror stories that you hear.

Expectations can create and foster unnecessary stress. Standards and morals definitely need to be adhered to when it comes to providing an example for your child, but you don’t want to be a control freak about everything, especially when they become more independent.  When feeling panicked, remember the Serenity prayer:

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

I wouldn’t want to start a nature vs. nurture debate, but your child may be unchangeable since their DNA is hard-coded (by YOU) to be a rebel without cause. And you’ve made it this far in life OK, right?

The only thing I can think of that I will be concerned about is childhood obesity. That was one problem that I was never able to deal with as a child or an adult. I wouldn’t want my child experiencing the same issues if my wife and I can help it. When the car, the boyfriend and the puberty come, I have faith that we will instill the right values in her to make good choices. Sure, she will make mistakes, but that’s life. There’s no need to dread the inevitable.